Due to the fact that I continue to scale my crib like a ninja warrior, Mom and Dad have evicted me from my crib. They call my new bed my "Big Boy Bed", but I prefer that it be referred to as my very own one bedroom studio apartment. Below is a summary of my latest bedtime routine in 10 fun and easy steps:
- Mom and/or Dad tuck me in and read me approximately 5-7 books about trucks.
- I notice that the evening is winding down. Panic ensues. I begin to use any and all stall tactics. (Some of which include my pointing to various books and toys with the expectation that they are brought to me with all deliberate speed.)
- Mom and/or Dad kisses me, they install my door gate, and then leave the room.
- I become hysterical. I lurch at the gate like a wild animal...a lot like a cougar..or maybe a puma...no, more like a spider monkey...regardless, you get the point.
- Mom appears in the doorway and tells me to get back into bed.
- I dissolve into a puddle of tears on the floor, flinging my body everywhere.
- Repeat steps 5 and 6.
- Mom mutters "God, give me strength" under her breath.
- I become exhausted by the bedtime cage match.
- I surrender and crawl into bed. Fade to black.....
